Rob Johnson
ALLi Author Member
Location: United Kingdom
Genres: Commercial Fiction, Thriller, Fantasy/SciFi/Speculative, Biography, Crime, Mystery, Narrative Nonfiction, Other, Humour, Memoir
‘You’ll have to write an author biography of course.’ ‘Oh? Why?’ ‘Because people will want to know something about you before they lash out on buying one of your books.’ ‘You think so, do you?’ ‘Just do it, okay?’ ‘So what do I tell them?’ ‘For a start, you should mention that you’ve written four plays that were professionally produced and toured throughout the UK.’ ‘Should I say anything about all the temp jobs I had, like working in the towels and linens stockroom at a department store or as a fitter’s mate in a perfume factory?’ ‘No, definitely not.’ ‘Motorcycle dispatch rider?’ ‘You were sacked, weren’t you?’ ‘Boss said he could get a truck there quicker.’ ‘Leave it out then, but make sure they know that you’ve written eight books, and don’t forget to put in something that shows you’re vaguely human.’ ‘You mean this kind of thing: “I’m currently in Greece with my wife, Penny, seven cats and two rescue dogs and working on a new novel and a couple of screenplays”.’ ‘It’ll have to do, I suppose.'
Rob Johnson's books
Genres: Crime, Thriller, Humour & Satire
Formats: E-Book, Paperback
Grave Expectations is the third book in the Cremains series of comedy capers. “I need a coffin,” she said. Not an unusual request to put to an undertaker and not an unwelcome one either, since Max, Alan and Scratch are once again struggling to keep their funeral business from going under. The sale of a single coffin wasn’t going to save them, of course, but the woman who wants it happens to be a dominatrix with a supposedly foolproof plan to rob a bank. Max and his partners don’t exactly jump at the chance as their previous attempts at bank robbery had almost always ended in disaster. But maybe this was an opportunity too good to miss. What they hadn’t bargained for, though, was that the bank job was just the beginning of a catastrophic series of events including blackmail, betrayal, murder and an unwelcome brush with organised crime.
Genres: Crime, Espionage, Humour & Satire
Formats: E-Book, Paperback
“If business didn’t pick up soon, we’d be staring into the abyss of what economists might call ‘totally screwed’.” But as chance would have it, Max Dempsey and Partners: Funeral Directors are about to be saved from financial ruin by a mysterious stranger with a wad of cash. It was the first time they’d been asked to collect a body from France, but what could possibly go wrong? For a start, the body in question isn’t at all what they’d been expecting, and all of a sudden Max and his partners find themselves catapulted into a world of espionage, blackmail, kidnapping, double-dealing and Russian assassins. The name’s Dempsey. Max Dempsey. Shaken, stirred and totally freaked out.
Genres: Crime, Thriller, Humour & Satire
Formats: E-Book
‘The twists and turns kept me on the edge of my seat, laughing all the time... Lovers of comedic thrillers are sure to enjoy Lifting the Lid.’ – San Francisco Review of Books When redundant sales assistant Trevor Hawkins accidentally breaks a hotel toilet cistern, his life takes more twists and turns than he could possibly have predicted. And many of them are not the kind he would ever have wanted. This is a set of the first three full length novels in the Lifting the Lid comedy thriller series .
Genres: Crime, Thriller, Humour & Satire
Formats: E-Book, Paperback
Seeing an elderly woman crushed to death under a baby grand piano is not the best start to anyone’s day, and Max Dempsey’s is about to get a whole lot worse. When sacked bank manager turned bank robber Max Dempsey (aka Simon Golightly) finds himself deep in debt to dodgy undertaker Danny Bishop, he’s prepared to do almost anything to pay it off and keep all of his fingers. But he’s likely to lose a lot more than his fingers when he agrees to do a “little job” for Danny and unintentionally crosses psychopathic Greek gangster, Nikos Spiropoulos. Meanwhile, Bernard Pemberton and his granddaughter Tess are on a road trip to scatter their beloved Dottie’s ashes on a Scottish hilltop, but is it really her ashes in the cremation urn or something else altogether? "Cremains" is a crime caper that twists and turns its way towards a conclusion that even...
Genres: Fantasy/SciFi/Speculative, Speculative Fiction, Humour & Satire
Formats: E-Book, Paperback
WANTED: Gainful employment of an adventurous nature but without risk of personal physical harm. (Can supply own time travel machine if required.) When Horace Tweed places an advertisement in a national magazine, the last thing he expects is to be commissioned to travel back through time in search of the long extinct Holey* Snail. But this isn’t just any old snail. The helix pertusa is possessed of an extraordinary and highly desirable property, and Horace’s quest leads him and his co-adventurers to Ancient Greece and a variety of near-death encounters with beings both mythological and not so mythological. Meanwhile, Detective Chief Inspector Harper Collins has her hands full trying to track down a secret order of fundamentalist monks whom she suspects of committing a series of murders – the same monks who are determined to thwart Horace in his... ...Quest for the Holey Snail.
Genres: Crime, Thriller, Humour & Satire
Formats: E-Book, Audio, Paperback, Hardback
When Trevor Hawkins hits the open road in his beat-up old camper van with his incorrigible dog, Milly, his quest for adventure soon spirals dangerously out of control. The simple act of flushing a hotel toilet transforms his life from redundant sales assistant to fugitive from a gang of psychopathic villains, the police and MI5. Then there’s private detective Sandra Gray, who could cheerfully throttle him for turning a well paid, piece-of-cake job into a total nightmare. Or could she? With more twists and turns than an Escher-designed bobsleigh run, Lifting the Lid is a comic thriller about how a single, split-second decision can change someone’s life forever.